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Liam has just been diagnosed with Sensitive Gluteal Syndrome.  To be more specific, Liam has an abnormal number of nerve endings in the gluteal region causing involuntary thrashing of his limbs when contact is made.  This condition is believed to affect thousands, if not millions of children worldwide.  Accurate numbers of children suffering with SGS are unknown because the subject is taboo in many cultures.  The first step in working towards a cure is being able to talk about it, and I’d like to do my part by starting here.  Please contact your local chapter of the SGSA to see what you can do to help children in your community who may be suffering, every penny counts.

For Christmas, Santa gave me an electronic widget that plays “20 Questions.”  For those of you that are not familiar with this game — you ask yes or no questions until you figure out what the other person has in mind.  It’s called 20 Questions because the idea is that you have to guess what the other person is thinking of in 20 questions or fewer.  If you don’t guess what they’re thinking of after asking your allotted 20 questions, they win.  If you do guess what it is in 20 questions or fewer, you win.  The electronic version of the game that I got from Santa (called 20 Q) bills itself as being so good that it’s spooky, but so far it has never guessed correctly.  Among the things we have thought up that it has not guessed: a black lab, a regular dog, and a spoon.  I think we may have thrown a celebrity in there, but it doesn’t do famous people.  By the way, in case you missed that, we did say “spoon.” We tried it twice to make sure we’d answered the questions correctly, but it was still too stupid to come up with “spoon.”

At any rate, I decided to challenge Shannon to a regular game of 20 Questions (sans 20 Q) with me asking the questions. Here are the highlights:

Matt (question 1): Animal, Vegetable or Mineral?
Shannon: “Mostly Animal”

…

Matt (question 9): Is it a hot dog?
Shannon: Yes
Matt (celebrating, then realizing…): Wait, I didn’t win?

Shannon: No.

Matt (question 10:) Is hot dog one of the ingredients?
Shannon: Yes

…

Matt (question 14): Is it a chili dog or something equally ridiculous like that?
Shannon: Yes, something as equally ridiculous as that

…

Matt (question 18): Is it a chili dog from the Varsity?
Shannon: Yes
Matt (celebrating again): Take that, machine!
Matt (question 19): Shannon, did you realize you were married to the John Henry of 20 questions?
Shannon: No, no I didn’t.

What do you think it says that I’ve been cooking for the past three hours and we still don’t have anything to eat for dinner…?

ETA: What do you think it says that I cooked for 4 hours and Matt and I ate turkey burgers off the George Foreman grill with nothing but a slice of fat free cheese and some mustard and turkey bacon as a side dish for dinner…?

Scene: The Connolly family is gathered in Liam’s bedroom playing with two small rubber playground balls.  Matt and Shannon are rolling them back and forth and Liam is passively watching.  Liam eventually grows bored with the game (of which he’s not really an active part) and wanders out of the room.  Matt and Shannon continue to roll the balls for a few seconds and eventually both are lying on the floor.  This is when Shannon hears an unfamiliar crinkling sound coming from the kitchen.

Shannon:  Liam!  Please come in here.  Liam!

(Offstage is the sound of little feet padding down the hall.)

Shannon:  (gasp) Liam!

(Liam has appeared in the doorway carrying a screwdriver he acquired by standing on his tiptoes and reaching up onto the edge of the kitchen table.  The crinkling noise, on further examination, appears to have been the bag upon which the screwdriver was balanced.)

Shannon:  I guess we can’t leave things on the table anymore, either.

End Scene.

What’s the point in spending the money and energy preparing Liam food that is mostly organic when all he will eat is sharp cheddar cheese, which we can’t afford to buy in an organic version?

If your son discovered that apple chunks make fantastic tiddly winks?  I mean, besides laugh uncontrollably while trying to remain firm and say “No” at the same time…

Your reason for having children is finally beginning to come to fruition.  That’s right, I just convinced your son that helping Mommy do the laundry is fun!  Sure, his contribution of handing me the clothes to put in the washer and then turning it on by pushing the button seems minimal now, but just you wait: by year’s end I’ll have him building us that screened porch we want.  I know, I know, why aim low with the screened porch when we can get that master suite addition?  Well (and I’m not one for lowering expectations), I do want him to get to experience mastery before really delving in.  If we just let him learn some things on his own, he’ll be better for it, I promise.  I’ve gotta go — teaching him to change the oil in my car will take a little time and I want to be sure to get it in before lunch.

Love,

Shannon