Category: News

While I thought about a lot of things when I was pregnant with Liam and it was confirmed that he was a boy, the fact that boys can be (to use Liam’s new word) di-gus-ting wasn’t really on that list.  It should have been (and they start earlier than I would have imagined, unfortunately).

For example:  Liam was watching Sesame Street the other day when Mr. Noodle made a “raspberry” sound with his mouth.  Mr. Noodle called it a raspberry — but I have gone through school with many a boy, and the sound he was making wasn’t one that I’d associate with the word raspberry.  The surprise (at least to me)?  Liam started laughing a low, guttural laugh immediately.  One of those laughs that come straight from the belly.  Mr. Noodle made the noise again, and Liam laughed again.  Apparently this is universal boy behavior…

Cut to today at the lunch table.  Liam lets loose another loud bout of gas.  The following conversation took place:

Liam:  (loudly passes gas…waits for about 1 second…) BOOM!

Shannon:  What did you just say?

Liam:  Boom?

Shannon:  What do you say when you pas gas, Liam?

Liam:  Skoo-me.

Shannon:  That’s right, thank you.

[A few minutes pass.  And then, unfortunately, so does some more gas…]

Liam:  (loudly passes gas, again)  BOOM!

Shannon:  Liam…

Liam:  Skoo-me, BOOM?

Shannon:  Close enough.

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I have a feeling that “Potty Humor” will become a theme in the near future…

[Scene: We’re sitting at the table eating lunch when Liam asks Gran for some of her spinach salad.  She obliges.  He then goes about picking out all of the goat cheese and asks for more, which he gets.  He’s also having ‘chicken’ nuggets and ketchup (and raisins — but they’re not pertinent to the story…).  The following is what happens next.]

Liam:  Mmmm, Mmmm!  I love goat cheese.

Gran:  I know you do.  It’s good, isn’t it?

Liam:  [Dips a large chunk of goat cheese in his ketchup and puts it in his mouth –  screwing up his mouth in a most unfortunate manner and looking mildly confused, since he’s never encountered a food that he doesn’t feel is better with ketchup.]

Gran:  That didn’t taste so good, huh?

Liam:  Di.  Gus.  Ting.

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I absolutely love the expanding vocabulary.

I made the mistake of trying to anesthetize Liam with 15 minutes of Sesame Street so that I could eat my lunch in peace.  I will not do that again (this week, at least).

I went into our room, expecting to find him sitting on the floor, mouth open at the wonder that is Elmo.  What I found was that he had his back to the television, he’d taken his pants off and he had a Nalgene bottle (previously full) in his lap.  This was when I realized that my foot was wet (as was half of the carpet) as well as both of his socks.  Thank goodness it was only water.

I’m pretty sure this wasn’t what Van Morrison had in mind…

Liam:  Oh.  I so sad.

Shannon:  Why are you sad?

Liam:  I so tired.

Shannon:  It’s not quite time for your nap yet, but it will be soon.  How about you go play with your blocks for a bit while I finish up my lunch and then we can read some books?

Liam:  Oh, I so sad and blue.  I needa woobie.  I feel better.

Shannon:  You can’t have a woobie until it’s time to go to sleep, so you’re going to have to wait for a little bit.

Liam:  Oh, I so sad.  Watch a little bit of TV?  Just a little bit?

Shannon:  Oh, wow.

Liam:  Oh, I pitiful.  I so pitiful.

Shannon:  You got that right.

[Scene: Liam and I are sitting at the table eating lunch.  The icemaker is filling up and Liam’s ears perk up as he hears this.]

Liam:  I hear something.

Shannon:  What do you hear?

Liam:  I hear sounds.  I hear something.

Shannon:  I hear sounds too.  What do you think is making those sounds?

Liam:  [pauses briefly to think] A donkey.

Shannon:  A donkey?

Liam:  I hear a donkey.  BRAY!  BRAY!  BRAY!

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I don’t even know how he knows what a donkey is, much less what sound it makes.  Maybe there’s some sort of subversive farm-animal teaching going on on Sesame Street these days.

After weeks of successfully cuddling together in bed, it finally happened.  Liam fell  straight out of our bed this morning and hit the floor hard.  For our boy who is rarely upset by hitting his head or falling on his face, this was markedly different.  The tears were immediate and it felt like it took me an hour to cross over to the other side of the bed.

I don’t think he was hurt (at least not too badly or in any obvious way), the tears were mainly fear-driven, but it will be a long time before his request to “get up on a bed with Mama” will be granted again.  Apparently bedrails aren’t only a good idea for a toddler bed, but any bed in which a toddler sits for any period of time.  I guess we can chalk this one up to learning the consequences of his actions (with minimal injury).

[Scene: Matt is carrying Liam out of the bathroom after his bath.  He’s all wrapped up in a towel and Matt turns him around so he can say hi to me.]

Shannon:  Hey Doodlebug!

Liam:  Penis.

Shannon:  Did he just say penis?

Liam:  Penis under da towel.  Penis in dere.  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Penis!  Penis.  Penis.  Penis.

Shannon:  I guess so.

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There’s not a much more concise way that I can figure to list a boy’s priorities than to use his own words.

I love you very much.  You’re a great kid with a sweet nature and you’re generally very easy to be around.  I appreciate all the wonderful things about you.  I would also really appreciate it if you could get it together with your sleeping habits.  Taking a three hour nap when your Gran is here to play with you and then taking an hour and a half nap when I’m here by myself is not cool.  Going to bed at 8:00 one night without incident and then going to bed at 8:30 the following night only to stay up kvetching until 10:00 is not okay.  Your Dad and I are tired.  The more exhausted we get, the harder it becomes to appreciate the essence of you.  It’s in your absolute best interest to work on some regularity in the sleep realm.  Thank you so much.

Love,

Mama