Welcome back from vacation!
We wanted to inform you of a few things that have changed in your absence and will affect your current position:
First, all potential hazards that used to be of no interest to the project subject have become interesting during your leave. Don’t worry–everything that was interesting and dangerous before you left is still in the line of fire–we didn’t want to change everything on you all at once!
Secondly, we wanted to make sure you realize that the subject now moves at approximately eight times the speed he previously did. Part of the newfound agility includes the continual desire to pull up to a standing position. The subject cannot currently perform this task, yet he makes efforts to this end almost constantly. This usually results in what has been previously coded as a “bonk,” and generally occurs in the cranial region. The subject does not enjoy this and will make his displeasure known. Please make a note of this in your records.
Also, due to the increase in size and variation in intake of the subject’s diet since your leave began, there will undoubtedly be changes in his output. He generally waits until the night shift leaves before making any notable output. Also, due to budget constraints, we have been forced to lay off your assistants. We wanted to make sure that you’re aware of this change so that you aren’t alarmed when faced with the results.
Additionally, as the subject has matured, you might be excited to try new things on your first day back. Please refrain from doing this, as it only assures frustration and eventual failure. This will negatively affect our data and we’d prefer that you keep this in mind as you go through your day.
If you have any questions, please remember that you must answer them yourself as you are the supervisor.
Thanks and welcome back!
-The Management