Parental Dictionary Entries

Me Time (n.):  As a single person this may have meant shopping, throwing pottery, redecorating anything I could get my hands on, or perhaps going for a run.  As the parent of a 2.75 year old and a 3.5 week old, this means checking my e-mail while on the toilet because my pee breaks are the only time I have to check my e-mail without listening to someone scream as a result.

Dinner (n.):  Merely a month ago this meant sitting down to dinner with my son and husband to eat a (mostly) well-balanced meal.  Now this may mean stuffing cookies in my face while guzzling water in the hopes that skipping the dinner prep time will mean that I have time to shower today.  I’m pretty sure that this will be fantastic for postpartum weight loss.

A Good Day (n.):  Also a month ago, this meant having plenty of time for lounging in my (mostly) clean house during my son’s three hour naps after having spent the morning doing something like running an easy errand or going on an outing.  Now this means that my toddler hit me fewer than 5 times, had fewer than 3 time-outs (although this number is directly related to the number of times he hit me), engaged in fewer than 25 power struggles about insignificant and completely infuriating things and that my newborn spent merely 50% of the day grunting, kvetching, and straining against the pain that appears to be in her gut and the other 50% of the time sleeping, eating or pooping.  A good day no longer necessarily includes any “Me Time”  (see above).  Or sleep.  Or time to say 5 consecutive words to my husband.

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There are so many more entries for this dictionary, but they’ll have to wait for now because it turns out that typing on the toilet makes my leg fall asleep and my back hurt.  Also, I’m running out of time for basic personal hygiene.  Again.