Dear Liam,

I would greatly appreciate it if you decided that the most interesting toy in the room is not the tag on the new basket, the door stop that’s missing the rubber part, or the nearest electrical cord. You have a plethora of brightly colored toys that are generally safe for you to play with, given that they’re made for children. I’ll even let you play with nothing but my Nalgene bottle and the cashew container that you love so much if you’ll stop trying to stick your tongue in the electrical socket. Thanks for your cooperation.

Love,

Mama

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