Toddler Conversations

[Scene:  Liam is playing in the living room when he suddenly comes excitedly screaming for me to come in the room.]

Liam:  Mama!  Mama!  MAMA!

Shannon:  Yes, Liam?  Whatcha need, Buddy?

Liam:  Mama!  There’s a bug!  It came out of the couch at me!  Get it Mama!  Get the bug!

Shannon:  What did it look like, Liam?

Liam:  [blank stare]

Shannon:  Was it crawling?  Was it flying?

Liam:  [blinks eyes]

Shannon:  How big was it?

Liam:  [in all seriousness]  Big enough, Mama.  Big enough.

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[Scene:  Liam and Gran are eating lunch.]

Gran:  [makes involuntary noise in her throat while eating]

Liam:  What was that, Gran?  What was that noise?

Gran:  It was my throat making a noise.

Liam:  What was that noise called?

Gran:  It was just a throat noise.

Liam:  But what was it called, Gran?

Gran:  I don’t know, it was just my throat making a noise.  I don’t know what I’d call it.

Liam:  That’s okay, Gran.  We’ll just ask Mama, she’ll know what it’s called.

[I love this particular conversation because the response I always get when I tell Liam I don’t know what something is or the reason for something that’s happening he says:  “That’s okay, Mama.  We’ll just ask Daddy when he gets home from work.  Daddy’ll know.”  I appreciate what appears to be equal respect of both his parents’ all-knowing capabilities.]

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There have also been countless conversations lately centering around anatomy.  I’ll give one example and leave it at that.  This is what we get for teaching him the correct names for things…

[Scene:  Several weeks ago, walking through the Trader Joe’s with Liam in the cart chattering away.]

Liam:  Hey, Mama?

Shannon:  Yes, Liam?

Liam:  Hey Mama, I have a penis because boys and men have penises and ladies have paginas, that’s what ladies have, but I don’t have a pagina, I have a penis.

Shannon:  That’s right Liam, but remember how we talked about the fact that those are private parts and that means we talk about them in private which means we talk about them at home?

Liam:  Yep.

Shannon:  Are we in private right now?

Liam:  Nope, we’re in the Trader Joe’s.

Shannon:  That’s right.  We can talk about your private parts, we just need to wait until we’re in private to do it.

Liam:  Okay Mama, but I have a penis and a scrotum and inside my scrotum I have two testicles (holds up two fingers).  Count them:  one, two.  I have one penis, one scrotum, and two testicles.

Shannon:  I think you might be missing the point here, Liam…

[As an aside:  Why do children always seem to say things like this when they’re around either someone who grimaces in a most disapproving way at the parent (as if that parent could do anything other than what the parent is obviously doing) or people who are obviously amused and (although they may or may not be aware that displaying this amusement will probably encourage the behavior in the future) can’t help themselves but to laugh?]