Category: News

Today I was a champ.  I managed to make a vegetable beef soup (complete with chopping 5 lbs. of potatoes and cooking 4 pounds of beef) while simultaneously playing a game of baby soccer (which is a whole lot like fetch).  I was so proud of myself as I managed to use a bunch of the frozen veggies that I got for next-to-nothing with sales and coupons and make a nutritious meal for my family that would also last for a while (translation: I wouldn’t have to cook again for at least a few days).  I was a champ.  I was Super Mom.  Stay-At-Home-Motherhood had never seen the likes of me.  Until, that is, I discovered that the burner under the soup on the stovetop — the one I’d had on for an hour — wasn’t actually on so much as it was in front of the burner that was actually on, doing a nice job of concealing it.  Don’t worry though–our family will still have a dinner that I acquired for next-to-nothing with sales and coupons.  As for the nutritious part–well, let’s just thank goodness for frozen pizza.

So in all seriousness–has anyone ever heard of a healthy kid whose DPA* (daily poop average) is at least four and is rapidly approaching five or six?

*DPA is an unscientific estimate taken over the course of about a month.  There is a direct correlation between output and irritation, both physical for the test subject and emotional for the researcher.

…Liam.

Why is it always a total surprise when the spray begins?  I mean, it’s not like all the equipment’s not always right out there in the open, but somehow when it hits your hand, you still jump five feet in the air…

Usually when yellow jackets are discussed in this house it is in a positive light–after all I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Georgia Tech.  This time, however, I am writing about the fact that I want to kill a few thousand of them.  We have had an active yellow jacket hole in our backyard for about a month and a half now.  We tried a trap that’s supposed to attract them and then trap them (that caught about 10 or so out of the swarming mass).  We tried the recommendation of our exterminator (who may get a call soon about treating more than just the interior of our house) which was to put a clear glass bowl over the hole at night when they’ve gone inside and leave it there for a couple of weeks.  We’ve tried that but apparently there’s either a neighborhood cat or some sort of woodland creature who thinks that this is a game.  We keep waking up to find the bowl overturned.  At this point we can’t use the deck (including our grill).  We can’t go out the back door except in the late evening.  And Matt hasn’t been able to mow the grass in months which has caused the backyard to look even more jungle-like than usual.  The only other suggestion we got came from the annals of Williams family history–and no offense Lou–but I’m not okay with any plan that involves kerosene and a match.  So does anyone have any suggestions?

Liam’s favorite new game is to take his finger and stick it directly into my closed mouth (usually when I make the mistake of repeating his “oooo” sound to him).  He’s learned about how to use the stacker I got him a while ago–maybe he just sees the sounds coming out of my mouth as another puzzle to solve–not that he’s alone in that…

This is my new policy, parents beware:

If you allow your ill-mannered children out on Halloween night in my neighborhood and they are 1) clearly illiterate and 2) extraordinarily inconsiderate and therefore either can’t read the sign that says to take ONE piece of candy or the other part of that same sign that says a baby is sleeping inside the house or just don’t care and first read the sign but then scream and steal all the candy I will be forced to shoot your children.  The fact that I am a pacifist who fervently believes in gun control will have no bearing on this edict.  Chocolate theft is serious business.  Consider yourself forewarned.

Before Liam was born, my mom got us a subscription to Growing Child.  If you haven’t already heard about this newsletter/reference it’s really fantastic and very helpful to any parent (not just first-timers like Matt and me).  Anyway–the other day Matt was talking to me about something he read in the latest e-newsletter we got–a process called habituation.  Here’s how Growing Child defines it:

“Habituation occurs when an infant, after being repeatedly exposed to the same stimulus, eventually loses interest in that stimulus.  For example, if a baby is placed in a room where there is occasional loud noise (such as the sound of traffic) the baby will at first become startled every time loud noises occur until she eventually becomes “habituated” to those noises and therefore won’t pay any attention to them. She will only exhibit a startle response when she is exposed to a new, unfamiliar noise, such as an ambulance siren. ”

Matt theorized that this is the reason that Liam doesn’t listen me when I call his name anymore–clearly he’s decided that only new noises are interesting and has moved on (which does appear to be true).  Liam is very quick to figure out a new noise, toy, or sensation and then after he’s figured it out he’s finished with it and moves on to newer, more exciting things (like playing in the oven).  Then Matt went on to explain this part:

“The speed with which habituation takes place has been found to be related to later IQ scores. When the habituation rate of 4-month-old babies was tested, for example, it was found that those who habituated the soonest had higher IQ scores and better language development when tested again at 3 and 4 years of age.”

Matt decided that this clearly means that Liam’s a genius and of course I agreed, but now I have a question: Does quick habituation to something (say the sound of the full recycling bin crashing to the floor in calliope fashion–which the first time causes fearful crying, the second time elicited a shriek, and from then on has resulted in no acknowledgement that a large bin of glass and plastic is now all over the floor) mean that he’s got a high IQ which is mitigated by the fact that he continues to repeat the action over and over, thus proving that he’s insane (doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result) or does it simply mean that he’s some sort of a habituation savant and that he’s actually not too bright?

All three of us are fine, and (I’m not sure whether this is good or bad) my innocence bit the dust a long time ago, but there has been a recent death in the house. To fully explain this story I need to go back to last year.

So it seems that at some point during the work that was going on in our downstairs family room there was a cardboard box that became designated as the spot for all smaller home-improvement-type things (measuring tape, nails, screws, etc.).  It also seems that at some other point my husband designated this box as the perfect spot to put the dead bugs that he either found or killed while working downstairs.  I didn’t discover this until a few weeks ago after the box in question had been moved upstairs and I made the unfortunate carcass discovery while looking for a spare nail.  It wasn’t pretty (my reaction or the actual bodies), to say the least.

Fast forward to last week.  It was the end of the day and I was completely exhausted.  It had been a long very-short-nap-filled day, my ankle was swollen, my knee was aching and I was ready to have dinner and go to bed.  Matt was putting Liam down in the other room, so I was quietly trying to put some leftovers in a bowl and carry them downstairs to relax with a little Tivo.  That’s when I heard it.  Shortly afterwards, I saw it.  It was some sort of a flying beast that would obviously attack and sting me multiple times about the face and neck if it got the chance.  I didn’t scream because Liam was sure to be almost asleep by this point, but I did what any sensible 29 year old woman would do and I ran away.  After Matt came downstairs (much later because, as it turned out, he thought that I had gone downstairs for some alone time) to find me I informed him of the situation and told him that I wasn’t going back upstairs until he found and killed the thing.  He spent a great deal of time looking but didn’t manage to locate the hairy beast anywhere.  Then he convinced me to come upstairs (which basically only succeeded because I was completely exhausted and my bed is upstairs) where I had daydreams about being attacked in my sleep, but managed to fall asleep and stay that way, attack free.

Fast forward to this afternoon.  I (once again) needed a nail and I glanced in the bug graveyard to see if I saw any.  Right there on top was the hairy, stinging, beastly (and obviously extremely poisonous) creature.  He clearly knew that I was too much of a match for him and died in the only appropriate place in which to do so.  For this, I am grateful.